Wednesday, September 17, 2008

dont know where to begin and even have less of a clue of where to end

well its been a while since my last post, and it seems like every day is a whole new set of occurrences, feelings, dreams, nightmares, etc.

In alot of my choices in the past year have been confident and bold and have dived headfirst into them, but sitting here deciding about going to spain with ywam has become something that has made me so unsure of myself, my intentions, my dreams, and God. my brain seems to go ten thousand miles a hour whenever i start to weigh my options and count the costs, i have some real soul searching to do about this I guess. Jeremiah is so sure of going and he will go without me but originally it was me going by myself and so now its a little weird talking to him about it because my decision changes every day.

i dont know how to feel about the last week or so, there was a lot of good times,visiting joel at sbc, a birthday party and a camp staff meeting. but also on the way to the camp staff dealio i got into a accident and now i have some decisions to make about my car and how much i like it and if i can get a new one (alot of money stuff) so far all i have to pay is $400 extra for my drivers but if i have to pay my deductible( if i decided to get a new car) its 200 more, they probably will total my car just because they like to total older cars. so i have decisions to make.

its kind of funny that this money stuff comes up, because me and sophia picked up janette and were sitting in my car waiting for jeremiah to show up and at first i was discussing how i was working very short hours and wasnt sure if i should quit my job or not then sophia offered to pay me gas money and i said i dont care about money janette piped in saying that i was just talking about deciding to quit a job over money which made me think a bit. lets start off with saying that i am 100% mennonite, i think that my statement "i dont care about money" is only half true. when it comes to making the most i can make without big compromises, pinching my pennies, not paying more than i have to, general stewardship of Gods money I care about money. when it comes to stuff i cant control, missed income from volunteering, friends paying me back, i dont really care about money. that being said i still think subconsciously i worry about it.

ive had a really good time with some people who i dont get to see all the time but have seen quite a bit lately especially my dearest germanized cousin dayna who has been a real encouragement and also had alot of fun being crazy with you even though it was mostly just you being crazy haha.

please pray for me as im making alot of decisions, i hope some things fall into place easily but i know that alot of it will take effort and me stepping out of the boat.

grace and peace

No comments: