well, as my recent posts kind of reflect, my relationship with God in this last week has been tested, and ive been in a valley of sorts, and ill be honest it hasn't been pretty.
before this week I was on somewhat of a spiritual high, I was reading my bible everyday, and praying alot, but I was closing myself in a comfortable " ill do this on my own, i dont want to hear what God wants to tell me" sorta thing. Most of this past week has been God trying to break me down, but most of this week I have been trying to fill my mind with thought and has been me still trying to avoid having a solid alone time with God where I listen instead of talk.
On friday God called me to fast and pray but mostly he was telling me to pray for others on friday, I mainly prayed for Ramona(cancer) and her husband Earl, my brother Kurtis who is in jordan also my cousin Karyn who is out there also(ministry), my friend Sophia's dad(cancer) and her family, my cousin Renee(cancer), and my cousin Dayna.
mid way through my day I got a phone call telling me that one of the people I was praying for Sophia's dad Steve had passed away after battling cancer for 14 months when he was only given 6, that hit me hard. So I continued to pray, later that day I was on facebook and I noticed my brothers status had changed to is hoping people can pray for him RIGHT NOW so I immediately thought the worst, we all know that every time we talk to him on the phone there is a good chance that it is being recorded by the secret police and that there is a chance that he might be deported or worse, but it turned out that he was just praying about this awkward situation between him and a student that could have turned ugly but eventual turned out to be nothing. Now I dont know if any of the other people who I was praying for had any major thing on friday that needed prayer, but I mean who doesn't need prayer.
In the end of this I still feel very lost within myself, I dont know what my next step is going to be, I've been looking for a job but nothing has really come out of my looking, i'd go to bible school in a second if i had the cash, i'd travel the world, i'm starting to look for a missions trip to go on but still i feel that winnipeg is where God wants me to work.
I went into Sunday feeling broken and I feel like God is still putting the pieces together, pray that I'll let Him.