Well since I've gotten back from my short tree planting stint, its seems my motivation to do stuff I don't want to do has been at this non existent level of frustration. I dread doing some monotonous job for a month just to make money, but I need to work, I need to get out of this house and do something. Part of me thrives in these meaningless jobs, Its fun to push yourself when no one expects you to even try. My health is sort of playing games with me, its seems like my pneumonia is gone, but sometimes I still have a shortness in my breath, fatigue, and still have cold symptoms. it all seems to be gone except for the fatigue, which may just be brought on because of how much i have been sitting around for the past week and a half. I was shoveling dirt today filling my moms flower beds and I had like no strength which in turn makes me want to wait until next week to start working if I end up working at red river soils. But I'm going to try to get a job working with steve at pollard bank note, which im sure has some physical element to it, but probably nothing compared to the physical death that red river soils is the first couple days.
Things I have been motivated about:
BCBC- this is really half of what I have been thinking about this past week
the wilderness- the other half
i fixed 2 snapped poles on my cheap 3 man superstore tent after giving up on the tent last fall, I have decided that it is still a good tent when weight is a issue it has minor holes in it due to a fire being too close. I am excited about my 6 man tent the eureka bon echo 9, which I bought before i left for tree planting. Jeremiah and I are now looking for a canoe to buy we are looking for a used 15 foot aluminum canoe in good condition selling for around $500-700 thought first look at the market hasnt brought up anything, im sure the right canoe will show up somewhere. Ive also been looking at maps and dreaming up routes that I want to take this summer, also considering routes for a trip that I plan on taking june 12-15. I also desperately want to do a solo trip sometime this next month, maybe just like a 3-5 day trip somewhere im familiar with. I really think that I need to take a trip like this to connect on a different level with God, to try to figure out this personal relationship that sometimes seems to elude me.
my goal for tomorrow is to try to get my energy back and maybe get a job one way or another.
i should have been in bed a couple hours ago though so this is all for now
i want to post the topic "abuse of grace" so this is sort of a accountability statement