poetry?

well as I was searching through some old files reminiscing I came upon some poems that I had written, im not sure when, I think it was probably like a year agoish. And now I feel like posting the 2 poems that I found. im not sure the meanings behind parts of them but I really related to some parts of them.

Abundance is overwhelming
Lacking passion
Lacking need
Faith is a dream
Clouds are rolling in
Rain is falling
The lowest point
Is the wettest
Dew forms the next day
Dreams are passion
Faith is hope
Love is real
Rain is falling
Each boom of thunder is a new experience
Each crack of lightning sets my heart on fire


Within the walls we take refuge

We feel we could be free
But cant breath
We feel we could dream
But cant sleep
We feel we could believe
But cant trust

When will the walls fall down
When will hope be restored
When will we be steadfast

Honesty will break the chains
But will we run
Freedom will give us direction
But will we see
Faith will take us to the door
But will we enter

100th post/new experiences/ life plans

Well its taken me a few years but I now have 100 posts, which is weird to think about. I think I might read though all my posts because it might be fun, to see change maybe. i recently read through some poetry and some first chapters of novels i started, it was pretty fun.

I started a new job on friday, doing construction for a guy, I'm his only employee so thats kinda the size of this enterprise. the first thing i told this guy was that i have little to no experience with construction. We were doing the drywall in a basement so i started the day sanding the joints. within the first 10 minutes my employer left to go to home depot which he didnt come back for a while from which was alright because it was a pretty easy task. I did a bit of random stuff like applying expansion foam(used to seal and insulate) to the edges of a crawl space which ended up with me getting this stuff all over my hands arms and hair, which is not good since it is almost near impossible to get off. by the end of the day I was mudding the finish coat on the walls of this basement, which at the start I absolutely sucked at mudding and by the end i was still pretty bad but i hope i didnt mess things up too bad. next week my boss is leaving on a trip to edmonton for a wedding so i am working by myself scrapping stucco off a house which should be interesting, and i hear that the weather is supposed to be stupidly hot which will make things FUN. and in a few weeks we will be framing a second story onto a house, so I think this job will be a great learning tool, get to learn how do to alot of stuff. i was so dirty after a single day of work, which i think is really funny because i look back at almost all the jobs ive had and think that i have found a way to get dirty in every single one of them.

now for plans, as of right now none of this is even close to final, but i think i want to do a dts (disciple training school) in madrid spain this coming february (5 months)

dwell in possibility
chad

life...

I cant quite put a word to the mood I'm in right now but I would probably describe it as frustrated. Now that I have that out of the way...

It hasn't been a very fun transition from camp to "real life", part of it is the boredom that I have created for myself, other than that its mostly just the world bringing me down. Its hard to go from a very excellent environment where the people in charge are Christians and are trying to lead with the mind of Christ to be positive examples, to a world where everything is about money and worldly stuff. It has become very clear that I shouldn't be happy with the way things are within the world and even within our "christian" communities, it has become very evident that the world has corrupted Christians and that we need to do something right now to wake us up. And I will start with myself, coarse joking has been something that I and some of my Christian friends have done and have accepted as funny, but it clearly says in the bible that we should have no part of that and that we should be imitators of God, so I am trying to put a stop to this so people who are reading this can keep me accountable to this I guess.

This past week I guess I have been feeling a bit lonely, mostly because of going from camp to home where all my friends are working during the day, and I have a lot of time to myself, dont get me wrong sometimes I enjoy time by myself but this was kind of a extreme change.

I went camping this weekend which was alot of fun sometimes and sometimes it was depressing. Had lots of fun on/in the water other than puking out my lunch off a buoy on saturday (whole other story) and lots of fun playing tennis and just hanging out with people. but at the same time we got a final warning by the CO's that we would get kicked out if we got anymore complaints which really just depressed me mostly because it wasn't really warranted almost everything they complained about was true in a sense(other than the complaint of us swearing) but it was during the day that we were being kind of loud and we weren't being unreasonably loud and there weren't any campsites occupied anywhere near us, so it kinda made us talk about it more and more and made us have little to no fun for a little while there, but then we just didnt spend any time at our campsite so we couldn't really be kicked out without another warning which wouldn't have been warranted unless someone felt like being annoying. I'm so tired of talking about this, and now I kind of regret even typing this out because in the end I don't really care about it anymore and am tired of making it a big deal.

I wish God would just come down and give me a plan for my life, but that wouldn't take any faith(something I seem to be lacking right now). I am pretty sure I'm going to have a job within 24 hours, working construction, mostly indoor renovation, supposedly more demolition than actual construction, but I still have to figure that all out. it will be a good job for me I think, im kinda cautious about getting my hopes up about everything. still plan on doing something in the spring, still trying to figure out what.

i dont really know how to end this post
I guess just pray for me that I will feel encouraged and that I will be a light where ever I go, and that I will listen to what God has for me.
-chad

we dwell in possibility

And by "we" I mean I but its a song title so i just kept it like that.

Well I am currently trying to figure out the next year in my life, which is intimidating yet wonderful at the same time. so many options, yet at the same time so many fears. there are only a few places I wouldn't have the money to go to this coming spring. Now I am not just thinking of where to go but also thinking of what im going to do there. I am thinking ywam or capernwray right now. im at the beginning of my thoughts right now but one of my ideas is to travel europe from february to april then go to capernwray for a spring course. maybe taurenhof austria the one my brother went to.

beginning of my though process
-chad

awareness

I just picked up a cd, means new cd "to keep me from sinking" and after I went and saw the new batman movie "the dark night". So i was really depressed after watching that movie, because of the reality of the darkness in the world.
So I popped in the cd on my ride home, my cd player wasnt working very good so i could only listen to the first song which is titled awareness and the lyrics really related to my feelings at the time so now im posting them.

Awareness

I thought I was over it
Like I couldn't just pretend
I didn't feel anything...anything real
But what do I have left to live for?
If I can't deny I'm torn in two directions

We have to live for
What we are passionate about
We have to somehow bring to life
The death inside us all

For the desperate
Does an answer arrive?
If we're losing sleep and wasting our time
And the song of this world is tragic
It is played out into all of our lives

And when we find it hard to breathe
Out of place...just fallen leaves
Let this be a reminder today and tomorrow
Not to be lulled to sleep

To keep me from sinking
Let this be a reminder
When we find it hard to breath
Will we keep from sinking?


-chad

camps over

Well 5 weeks have passed, and now I'm home(but it feels weird being here). right now i think i have a pile of laundry bigger than ive ever had before so i should probably go tackle it. I've definitely grown this summer in a wide variety of ways, my hair is definitely looking gross right now and I really need to get it cut, but more importantly i think i have grown in faith. I wont be able to post everything about my time at camp but i will try to post some more about my experiences.

apparently my spelling skills have really suffered since I left for camp, as there were like 10 spelling mistakes that the spell check caught.

-chad