Tuesday, November 27, 2007


Well, I have a very broad range of musical taste, from minimalist folk to chaotic hardcore, sometimes people(usually older than me) don't understand why I listen to the weird screaming music that I do listen to sometimes, and I don't expect them to. But one thing that is really important to me is lyrics, they are the thing that gives meaning to songs. I listen to both secular and Christian music, most of the time I can find something that applies to following Christ in the lyrics of the secular artists that I listen to and it is a positive thing. I used to listen to very crappy Christian music, I mean the music sucked, the lyrics were very uninspiring, but im very lucky that there is part of the world of Christian music that is progressing into a very creative, very musically ahead of lots of secular music.

this is one of my favorite songs as of right now, I'll let you read and think about the lyrics yourself

mewithoutYou- A Glass Can Only Spill What It Contain

A cat came drifting onto a porch from the outside cold
And with eyes closed, drinking warm milk from my bowl,
"Nobody hears me (nobody hears me)
I crept in so soft!
And nobody sees me (nobody sees me)
As I watched six steps off."

Like the peacocks wandering the walkways of the zoo
Who have twice the autonomy the giraffes and tigers do
"No one can stop me (no one stop me)
No one clips my claws!
now everyone watches me (everyone watches me)
Scale these outside walls!"

you took the puous and profane,
turned around the praise and blame,
said "A glass can only spill what it contains!"
To the perpetually plain and the incurably inane
A glass can only spill what it contains!

What new mystery is this?
what blessed backwardness??
the Immeasurable one is held and does not resist!
struck by wicked words and foolish fists of senseless men
the Almighty One does not defend!

I was halfway listening to what she thinks she knows
We're like children dressing in our parents clothes saying:]

"Nobody knows me (nobody knows me)
No one knows my name!
No, Nobody knows me (nobody knows me)
Nobody knows me... "

I half-heartedly explained
But gave up peacefully ashamed
as a glass can only spill what it contains!
We went from Portugal and Spain
And in her mind the entire time it rained!
A glass can only spill what it contains!

What new mystery is this?
in overflowing emptiness!
the invisible is seen among the shadows and the mist,
Before my doubting eyes,
The infinite appears this time.
The unquestionable is questioned
But makes no reply!

What new mystery is this?
"My rabbi"
my lips betray with a kiss

What new mystery is this?

Monday, November 19, 2007

still looking

well its officially been 2 weeks since I was laid off my last job and so that means that im still looking for another one, well to be honest I have only been skimming job websites and the paper because I wasn't really in any rush. Well I think this week will be the week where I start actually looking for a job. I think God was telling me to take a break so he could work in me, or at least get me to be on the same page.

With the jobs that I am looking at right now I am forced to figure out my priorities, some jobs are days but don't pay very much, some are nights which would mean I would have to quit teaching pioneer clubs which is one of the last things I really want to do because these kids need stability, and some include weekend which effects my fun time like snowboarding and stuff haha.

One of the job's with the most flexible schedule and highest pay, is telemarketing which really wouldn't be my first choice as I have heard bad stories about it but on the other hand I think it would be kinda fun haha.

Well thats a little update on the whole job search thing.

God bless

Sunday, November 11, 2007

when the wrong time is the total right time

well, as my recent posts kind of reflect, my relationship with God in this last week has been tested, and ive been in a valley of sorts, and ill be honest it hasn't been pretty.
before this week I was on somewhat of a spiritual high, I was reading my bible everyday, and praying alot, but I was closing myself in a comfortable " ill do this on my own, i dont want to hear what God wants to tell me" sorta thing. Most of this past week has been God trying to break me down, but most of this week I have been trying to fill my mind with thought and has been me still trying to avoid having a solid alone time with God where I listen instead of talk.

On friday God called me to fast and pray but mostly he was telling me to pray for others on friday, I mainly prayed for Ramona(cancer) and her husband Earl, my brother Kurtis who is in jordan also my cousin Karyn who is out there also(ministry), my friend Sophia's dad(cancer) and her family, my cousin Renee(cancer), and my cousin Dayna.

mid way through my day I got a phone call telling me that one of the people I was praying for Sophia's dad Steve had passed away after battling cancer for 14 months when he was only given 6, that hit me hard. So I continued to pray, later that day I was on facebook and I noticed my brothers status had changed to is hoping people can pray for him RIGHT NOW so I immediately thought the worst, we all know that every time we talk to him on the phone there is a good chance that it is being recorded by the secret police and that there is a chance that he might be deported or worse, but it turned out that he was just praying about this awkward situation between him and a student that could have turned ugly but eventual turned out to be nothing. Now I dont know if any of the other people who I was praying for had any major thing on friday that needed prayer, but I mean who doesn't need prayer.

In the end of this I still feel very lost within myself, I dont know what my next step is going to be, I've been looking for a job but nothing has really come out of my looking, i'd go to bible school in a second if i had the cash, i'd travel the world, i'm starting to look for a missions trip to go on but still i feel that winnipeg is where God wants me to work.

I went into Sunday feeling broken and I feel like God is still putting the pieces together, pray that I'll let Him.


Thursday, November 8, 2007


well it seems boredom has kick started my creative juices
I've never really enjoyed writing stuff before, but it seems my brain has exploded with creativeness
I'm no poet, but I like putting thoughts into words

Within the walls we take refuge
We feel we could be free
But cant breath
We feel we could dream
But cant sleep
We feel we could believe
But cant trust

When will the walls fall down
When will hope be restored
When will we be steadfast

Humility will break the chains
But will we run
Love will give us direction
But will we see
Faith will take us to the door
But will we enter


Tuesday, November 6, 2007

writing a book

yeah so im writing a book, well not really a book, but something like one.

mostly to keep myself sane while I'm unemployed.
as I was having a momentary lapse of that earlier today.

it feels like God is still in the entrance of my future, I haven't thought of what God wants me to do haven't let him be my center. And today I felt like I was trying to avoid Him, instead of finding Him, so I pray that I will open my heart.


Monday, November 5, 2007


Well today as I was pretty much expecting I got laid off, even though I knew it was coming didnt make it hurt any less haha.

I am looking at this and thinking "where I am right now isn't where God wants me to be"

So please pray for me as I try to find where I am supposed to be.


Friday, November 2, 2007


Ive been meaning to blog alot more this past week but I haven't really had the time yet, (kinda funny that friday night is the night that I stay at home but im busy until late on weekdays) so I might just throw out a huge blog.

Pioneer clubs
Well there have been some struggles with not having the right teaching books and not having the right material, so I haven't really been able to start any of the awards that should have been started, but things have been going pretty good. I feel so bad for some of the kids, they come without having supper beforehand, they have broken families, seemingly neglectful parents, and other stuff like that.

I'm kinda disappointed we canceled pioneer clubs because it was halloween and only like 3 kids were going to show up. Not that I'm one of those halloween is the devil kinda people but I think there should have at least been a option.

I know this isn't the right attitude but sometimes I feel like Im scattering seed on the road, the kids dont seem to be learning anything, they have told me that there parents throw out the papers that we send home, the world is such a rotten place to grow up.

Other life rantings

Well ive been working at Iron mountain for the last 3 weeks and it has been good for the most part, the job is boring but becoming bearable... but I think that we have worked our selfs out of a job... I dont actually work for Iron mountain, I work for a staffing place that has us at Iron mountain.. now I thought that this job was pretty permanent cause I thought that they would always have work for us, but we have done the backlog of work that they had for us and I dont know if they have enough current work to have all of us still working there and I was one of the last people to start there, so ill probably find out this week and maybe get a job somewhere else.

short term:
Find job that I enjoy to some extent
Continue my work with the church
Make some money
Stop alienating myself from people
long term:
Figure out a solid financial plan for keeping out of debt
Either travel or go to Bible school or my favorite option BOTH
Learn Greek
Continue to find ways to do ministry
Find rewarding and fulfilling career

Random questions I ask myself
What does it mean to have a personal relationship with Jesus?
Why does the back bench of a church always fill up faster than a front seat?
Did Jesus tithe?
Why do people max out credit cards?
Does the Internet create a world where human contact is awkward?
Why do thinks have to complicate them selfs?

Mini faith topic
I've been reading the gospel lately mostly out of Mark, Jesus would go around town to town healing people, driving out demons, and doing various other miracles and the people would surround him trying to be healed, but they all seem so superficial they just seam to come to him to be healed and then go back to there life's. These people don't seem to have alot of faith, they seem to just want what they can get when His physical healing isnt the point of his being there he wanted to heal their souls. something that confuses me is that he keeps on telling people not to go into the towns to tell of there healing, not to tell people that he is the son of God, Is it a thing of safety or what is it, I think I'm missing something.
this has all been a raw thinking out loud faith topic, If you have a educated answer to this or any of my other questions feel free.

Jesus loves me, This I know